Confessions and resolutions from an imperfect Mom.

When my children were younger I had this idea that I had to be the perfect Mom. I saw other Moms who baked all their own bread, homeschooled their children and professed to have so much joy in parenting. I bet you know a mom like this, too.

I tried my best to mimic what I saw, but the result was bitterness and frustration (which never earns you a Perfect Mother Award). I was a failure. The more I tried to force myself into the 'perfect Mom' mold, the more disheartened I became. I could never be one of those "perfect Moms." Guess what? You can't either. There's no such thing.


I write this to Moms who are being crushed under the weight of their imperfections and failures. Yes, you are imperfect and will have days where you wonder why God even gave children to a broken person like you. We all do. Rest in the God who made you, knows the depths of your heart, loves you in spite of yourself and is famous for using broken, imperfect people to accomplish great things.

Here are five things I've resolved to do in light of my imperfections as a Mom:

1. Walk in humility before my kids. A woman I know shared that one of the reasons she returned home after a season of rebellion was because her parents always asked her forgiveness when they were wrong. She knew they would welcome her with open arms in one of her darkest moments because they never implied that they were perfect themselves. This has always stuck with me and I've resolved to admit my failures to my children and ask for their forgiveness often.
2. Engage my children rather than manage them. My wise husband always says "rules without relationship equals rebellion." It's easier to parent our children by managing them rather than engaging them in relationship, but no one wants to be managed. Relationships are hard and take a lot of work, but we were made for relationships. I've resolved to be more proactive in engaging my children in relationships - getting to know them and allowing myself to be known by them.
3. Live the gospel more than I talk about it.  As they say: "Real recognize real." I talk a lot about the gospel, but do I live out its implications in my own life in front of my family? I can tell you the answer and it's not 'yes'. My children will only learn to be good fakers if they see me talk about the gospel publicly without it being a reality in my private life. I'm resolving not to make excuses for parts of my life that don't line up with the gospel and to pray for change/growth in those areas.
4. More Soul Train lines and laughter and less yelling and lecturing. Yes, we really have a Soul Train line in our kitchen from time to time (Don't judge). Life is fleeting. This reality has become clearer now that I have a child in high school. If we're not careful we'll miss out on opportunities to just enjoy this life and the people in it. I resolve to be more intentional about creating memories and enjoying my children while I still have the chance.
5. Leave the results to God. Back when I was striving to be the perfect Mom, I had this false idea that my children would follow in my faith if I did everything right as their mother. I always heard "Train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it," but never factored in the implications of free will. My children have the same freedom I did to choose Christ or to deny him and there is no such thing as parenting your children into the kingdom of Heaven. We're called to live out the gospel the best we can, cultivate loving relationships and leave the heart change to the Holy Spirit. I'm resolving to stop striving and to rest in God's work in the hearts of my children. 

One of the most freeing books on motherhood I've ever read is Christ in the Chaos by Kimm Crandall. You can find it here. I'd love to hear your thoughts on these resolutions or motherhood in general.