As deep as my emotions are running, I cannot imagine the type of grieving that Michael Brown's mother is doing tonight. I cannot conceive of the fact that a group of mothers are weeping in unison with her because they understand her pain. It leads my mind to Jeremiah 31:15. There is no comforting a mother in this.
Everything in me wants to wake my boy from his sleep just to tell him that he matters. I feel desperate to remind him that his skin doesn't define who he is. I want to tell him again that he is made in the image of God and has value and worth despite what is communicated to him by the world around him. I just sit and hold him and weep as I listen to him breathe.
My tears feel hot, but not hotter than my face has become, and I realize that I am angry. I want to scream at the injustice of the world we live in. I want to fight against anyone who would dare to call my boy a "thug" or "monkey" (words I have read in the media recently to describe brown-skinned boys like him). I want to yell that he wants to be a scientist or engineer, not a drug dealer. I want to rage at the thought of women clutching their purses at the sight of him. He is not a threat, he's my child. I want to make people understand that he is a human being. Just like every young man pictured above. But I can't.
I feel helpless. I know my anger won't change anything and my attempts to justify my views are futile. I pray that this post will escape the sight of those who feel the need to contend "facts" or recklessly throw out words like "race card" as if they would have an audience with me because of my white skin. Honestly, I'm all argued out and having to pray really hard not to be bitter or hateful.
I wish there were some easy answer, but if there were then change would have come already. The type of change we need isn't fueled by anger like the looting and burning in Ferguson and most of it happens outside of the view of news cameras. It begins with talks like the one that happened in my living room shortly after Michael Brown was killed. You can read more about that talk here.
I'm praying tonight that many more of those talks will be happening in the days to come - especially in the context of the church. I know I'm powerless to change things, but I can pray and do what I can to be part of the solution. If not, we'll just be back in this same place in a matter of months. And I cannot just sit here and wait for that day to come.
