Those days when the tears won't stop: 4 thoughts on pain

Last week I had another one of those days when the tears just wouldn't stop. I'm pretty sure if you've lived any time at all in this broken world (and especially if you are involved in outreach ministry) you can relate to that feeling. 

Those days have become more frequent the more I'm allowed the privilege of stepping into the lives of others. Over the last two years, I've heard stories that cut me to my soul. Horrible stories that seem like they should be part of a movie - yet I find myself staring into the face of the person who has or is currently living that nightmare.

Some days I wonder why God thinks I can handle so much. The pain and struggles of my own life are, at times, enough to push me to the edge - yet God keeps allowing me to see a pain and hopelessness deeper and more urgent than my own. 

Last week, I sat and listened as a precious young mother of 6 shared how she was struggling with deplorable living conditions while being exploited by a slumlord. Over the last year, I've heard stories of human trafficking, childhood rape and women forced to barter with the only resource they had left - their bodies (just to name a few). 

As much as I used to pride myself on being "tough" or "hard," I'm at a place in life where I often find myself weeping. Sometimes it's because there is no other way to express my anger over injustice and the feelings that come when I hear stories of suffering and vulnerability. Sometimes it's because I feel frustration at my inadequacy to help and inability to "fix" things. Either way, all I can do is weep.

Sometimes pain is a teacher. Here are 4 things I've learned in the times when the tears won't stop:

 1. Someone always has it worse than me. Sometimes I wonder if this is God's way of gently reminding me that the mountains in my life are mere ant hills in the grand scheme of things. It's so easy to freak out over small things in life without a clear perspective. Walking with others has been a great reminder of what a self-absorbed whiner I am. It's hard to feel sorry for yourself when confronted with the harsh realities and abuses that others face. 

2. I'm not the answer. Ministry has been a great reminder of my limited ability to bring about change in the lives of others. Something in me just wants to make it all better, but I'm learning that I can't just fix what's wrong - in my own life and in the lives of others. There is only one who is capable of bringing about change and it's not me. Suffering (both ours and that of others) is a beautiful arrow that points us back to the all-sufficiency of God in our weakness.

3. Prayer is essential. When the pain cuts so deep that I can barely formulate words to pray, that's when I need to pray most. I keep returning to this quote from Bethany H. Hoang that speaks volumes to where I've been these last two years - "When our hearts are so heavily taxed that we feel we can no longer truly pray, God leads us back to himself by telling us simply this: Pour out your heart; pour out your heart before me." There will be times when our hearts are crushed under the weight of the brokenness we see and feel, but those are the times that we need to run with reckless abandon to pour our hearts out before God. He sees and knows and has the power to bring change. 

4. What I see and hear isn't the end of the story. I love in Genesis 3 where God declares a plan of rescue and redemption after the most hopeless and broken story of all time. I always get overwhelmed when I look at a seemingly hopeless situation without factoring in the gospel and the hope of heaven. One of my favorite Bible verses and one I run to in times of suffering is Revelation 21:4-5. When the pain of this life feels like more than we can bear, we can trust that a day is coming where God will wipe away our tears and set all the wrong things right if we will make him our life's greatest treasure.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this post and how you find hope when the tears won't stop.